#TrumpeterProblems

A few weeks ago I remember having  a slightly random conversation with the guy I share 1st Trumpet with in my jazz orchestra, discussing problems we trumpet players face. I thought I’d compile a quick list to give you all an insight into the deep hardships we nobly and bravely face on an almost daily (well, when I remember to practice) basis…

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OMG GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT THERE’S A TRUMPET PLAYER PROBLEMS TUMBLR WOOP AND A TRUMPET MEMES TUMBLR MY LIFE IS COMPLETE

1. Leaky spit valve. Yeah, a few weeks ago my spit valve broke, which led to the potential for slightly more ~leakage~ than is pleasant. Eww…
2. Having to permanently wear dark trousers. I seem to have a habit of wearing my pale blue jeans when I’m playing a lot…why’s this a problem? Well, when the inevitable spit ends up on your knees, dark jeans conceal it. Light ones, needless to say, don’t. Yeuch.
3. Flicking spit onto the music. (I swear these aren’t all spit-themed…) Yes, this has happened before, and yes, using the music afterwards is as gross as you think.
4. People using your mouthpiece. Yeah, trumpets are cool, that’s why I play it. Sharing mouthpieces around so everyone can have a go? Less so…luckily, just describing the length of time since you last washed it and the amount of spit that goes through it tends to do the trick…
5. Volume. The ability of trumpets to be LOUD is good in ways, but also means there’s nowhere to hide. When you screw that bit up or split that high note, people are gonna know about it, unfortunately. (Not that this ever happens, because obviously we’re just the best musicians around).
   

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6. Trying to play standing up. Three words: Can’t. Read. Music.
7. Being deafened…I don’t know if this is always the case, but certainly when I play we’re DIRECTLY IN FRONT of the rhythm section – namely, the drums. We have THREE DRUMMERS. LOUD. I have to wear some very unflattering earplugs that stick a good centimetre out of my ear, yay…
8. Mutes. There’s always that awkward moment, mid-rehearsal or concert, when the mute decides to jump out the end and roll around on the floor for a bit. #Awks
9. Trumpet hygiene. Never quite knowing if that weird red stuff inside the mouthpiece you haven’t used for years is a trick of the light, or some obscure kind of red mould.
10. Cleaning the trumpet and having weird black liquid splash you in the face. I WAS ONLY TRYING TO LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU, TRUMPET, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CHUCK BLACK STUFF AT ME BLECH.

So there you have it, reasons why playing the trumpet sucks. But, y’know, it’s loud and jazzy and fun and sounds awesome so, it’s not all bad. Maybe I’ll write another post about it…

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Do you play any instruments? What are the hazards and related issues you come across?