The Potential Last Time I Freak Out About My Future (ha, nope)

As I’ve mentioned before on here, I’m *strongly considering* leaving school next year to go to the local college. This isn’t a definite decision (and won’t be until after GCSE results, woop *eye roll*) but I am Very Strongly Considering leaving and to put that frankly, it’s terrifying. Unless, of course, I stay at school, in which case all my freaking out will have been for nothing. But y’know. There’s only two weeks (today!) until my first exam, and only about three weeks until study leave starts. AKA THE POTENTIAL END OF ALL MY LESSONS AT SCHOOL FLIPPIDY FLIP FLOP THAT’S SCARY. So yeah. freaking out just a teensy bit.

I keep thinking of the potential last evers.

Potential last ever Founders’ Day. (not that that’s necessarily a bad thing, but I do actually quite like getting to play the fanfare)

Potential last (and first) ever Jazz Concert

Only about 12 more maths lessons.

Only about 3 more composition lessons (and I’m not doing music next year so that really is last ever)

Max three more assemblies. (I’VE HAD MY *POTENTIAL* LAST FINAL ASSEMBLY GUYS)

Potential last CCF (not that I’ll miss that much)

x many chapel services left

x many brass ensemble rehearsals left (potentially) (it’s like two and that’s seriously freaking me out because I’ve been doing that for like six years eek)

x many orchestra rehearsals left (though this all depends on how many I skive tbh)

Potential last field day.

Potential last mufti day.

Potential last lunchtime trip to buy a second lunch because well my friend forgot her lunch anyway and sorry but that ham and cheese pastry thing is too good not to buy and half.

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sticking this in here because nature, calmness, relaxation, yep can always do with a bit of that

IT’S ALL SCARY AND I HATE IT OK. I mean, if I go to college then that’ll be a really good experience of its own, but it’s going to take a while to get used to going from being a big fish in a relatively small pond to a very small fish in a lake, and I’m gonna have to do the whole making friends thing pretty much from scratch, apart from out of school friends I have at the college. And I’m definitely going to try and keep in touch with my school friends but it’s different, y’know? And what about the people I don’t really class as friends but are just used to seeing? Or the people I’ve kinda started being friends with this year but aren’t really good friends with yet? I’m kinda scared to lose the friendships which, yeah, aren’t three, five, seven, years old but which I value anyway. I’m sometimes an awkward person and not always that great at making plans to keep in touch with people or whatever, especially if I’m not really good friends with them, so God knows what’s going to happen in terms of that.

Of course, that won’t be an issue if I stay at school.

(It’s just so bloody typical that the song playing at the moment is Time To Say Goodbye by Lauren Aquilina, isn’t it? Must be a sign…)

Soz about that outburst but ngl this post felt quite cathartic and guess what, I hadn’t even realised I needed the catharsis. Blogging is great.

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5 thoughts on “The Potential Last Time I Freak Out About My Future (ha, nope)

  1. Eve @ Twist in the Taile says:

    SO. I’m probably going to stay at my current school into our sixth form because basically everyone does? But AAH COLLEGE that’s both exciting and scary. It sounds very cool — I hope writing it out helped with your worries about it!
    I do like to count my last things, although I might not miss my last chapel service in the church that smells of cheese. *coughs* 😛

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